crosses

i put it down before i'd even realized i was holding it. you know the old saying "it was over before it even began". it was something like that, if that something could leave an eight inch gash across the heart. a slowly bleeding fissure that burns with pain every time you inhale. nobody else knew. not a single person clued in to the smell of fear, the destitution behind closed doors. and, yet, every single one of them nodded their heads, as if they'd always suspected. of course they had. but it wasn't their cross to bear. can you imagine how much easier it would have been if everyone had helped? the weight of it distributed amongst them all? no, no... it wasn't anybody else's burden.

happy birthday dewey.

Anybody?

Anybody down to go receive darshan with me?

June 14th- June 18th

From Amma?

long night
but tomorrow's another day
i'm going to dream about waking up smiling

RESTART

Started making a plan today, gonna get back on track! Write more, save more, live more, feel more...
Reconnect...
Narrow the focus. Give 100% to everything I do. Positivity. Focus....

sometimes the lack of sleep gives me a boost in clarity

but mostly it just leaves me numb

Rest Peacefully

5 years ago today my brother-in-law Dewey lost his battle with Leukemia. Using the National Bone Marrow Registry we were able to find a potentially life-saving bone marrow donor. Unfortunately, Dewey passed before he was able to go forward with the transplant. But what great hope he was filled with knowing that someone out there was willing to give a part of themselves to help save his life. You too could provide this same hope to someone else by joining the National Marrow Donor Registry...

Every 4 minutes one person is diagnosed with a blood cancer. Every ten minutes, someone dies from a blood cancer.



BE THE MATCH

From melancholy and the infinite sadness

From melancholy and the infinite sadness

i still have tears for you

so many nights...

Shout out to old georgie-boy

there are words
there will always be words
that are never enough

fallen
from bleeding lips
onto deafened ears
pleas and promises
and whispers
through tears
only to end up
where i always feared

there were words
so many wasted words
they were never enough

everything has its consequence.

remembering......

please?

READ THIS

ask myself...

"REMEMBER. NOW BE HERE"

"NOBODY IS GOING ANYWHERE
NOBODY IS COMING FROM ANYWHERE
WE'RE ALL HERE
WE'RE ALL HERE
IN ETERNAL TIME & SPACE
WE'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE HERE
WE'RE JUST DOING THE LILA RASA
THE DIVINE DANCE WE'RE DANCING
& DANCING & DANCING
DANCE AFTER
DANCE
IN ONE BODY
IN ANOTHER BODY
& WE'RE ALL HERE
WE'RE ALL STAYING RIGHT HERE"

it's a sub-culture i'll never really understand... i'll dabble, toes in, test the waters... here and there and here. but it's not for me, and as far as i can see it doesn't really suit anyone. lingo, ideologies, bonding? i just see excuses and escapes and running... circling. listen in, fly on the wall. every now and again, i get it, i see it, i've done it... but beyond that? i dont want to judge, i just dont want to be.

i knew this going in.

if all the rain drops were lemondrops and gumdrops...

i love the rain
but not always the down time
me and my thoughts
and the wonder leaking in...