me and mine...

in my life
i have
driven more miles then some people will ever travel
laughed so hard liquid has literally come out of my nose
cried for soo long, and soo hard that i thought i might die
felt like i might be losing my sanity
had my jaw broken from being kicked in the face
laughed so hard i actually pissed myself
had a panic attack or two
put my fist through a wall, resulting in more frustration and a pained hand
wanted to kill someone and feared i might actually be capable
lied to myself and believed it, and made sure others did too
jumped out of a plane
been hang gliding
swam beneath waterfalls
burned off half my face
been in multiple car accidents resulting in totaled cars
kissed someone on the beach in barcelona
been rescued from death by a welsh
held someone as they died
held a baby in the first minute of his life
read more books so far then the majority will read in a lifetime
been betrayed
loved so hard it hurt
loved so hard i'll never recover
been cheated on
been swept off my feet
been around copious amounts of drugs
started and quit smoking
been in a movie
ran away from home
had to tell a child his father was dying
held the hand of a total stranger a she passed
watched a paraplegic take his first steps since his accident
watched someone break their two front teeth in half
met some cool celebrities
visited a friend after electroshock therapy
made a game winning basket
scored a game winning run
placed in a poker tournament
fallen in love with my best friend
gotten lost to the point of panic
physically injured a loved one
drank wine beneath the eiffel tower
touched a van gogh, and monet, and picasso
flown a plane




just to name a few...

Sometimes I feel like I'm the main character in a "Choose Your Own Adventure" novel that's being read by a sociopath...

i walked into your dream
and now i've forgotten how to dream
my own dream
you are the clever one aren't you....

gotta go.

About to jump in my car, and get out. Of here, of there, of my head/ bed/ he-said she-said.
Gonna read, and sweat, and pretend I'm a better person living a better life.
Bringing the camera, because I recently remembered who I really am, and what I really do.
Mostly looking forward to the drive.
To that feeling of watching the lights of the city get left behind, to the darkness, to the stars.
Go. Go. Go.
It's never far enough, it's always calling me back.
I have a lot to think about, these days.
I have too much to process.
For now I'm focused on not caring, too much, that is.

Tonight's soundtrack is amazing, wish you were listening.

superpoop.com

late night desires.

i just want silent serenity, for a few moments each day. no questions, no thoughts, no worries. secure emptiness. deep breaths, steady heartbeats. simplicity wrapped around me. no yesterdays, no thoughts of tomorrow. moments to catch up on this world in overdrive, to regain composure, to steady my steps. and free my mind, to find clarity. to rest my body and revive my soul and refill my reserves. solace.

it could all be so simple....

email? check.
cell phone? check.
text messaging? check.
picture messaging? check.
myspace? check.
blog? check.
facebook? check.
instant messenger? check.
googletalk? check.
ichat? check.
video chat? check.
mailing address? check.
twitter? check.

just doesn't compare to sitting down over coffee.

the lyrics......

so true.

exhale.

inhale.

where are the warning labels for life? the manual i was supposed to be given at birth? the detailed instructions that should be tattooed on everyone's backs? i look at my kid nephew, at my godson, at my best friend's daughter, and my best friend's son... and think "how do i save them?" how do we keep them from feeling the pain and fear of our lowest lows, yet let them live freely and passionately? there are things my parents never taught me, i wish they had. now that i've experienced them, i can see in their eyes that at some point they did too. so many things unspoken. would i have learned from them these lessons or are we all destined to these trials? how much more is there to learn? i've been told time and time again that the end justifies the means, i've seen it, i understand the adage, but i question the ultimateness of it.

sleep depravation

Sometimes it seems like I can never crack down and get anything done. I have trouble motivating myself to be productive. Yet, when I try to go to sleep at night, my head runs and runs and runs, a mile a minute, stressing about this and that, making lists for tomorrow, and cataloging what didn't get done today... I can't fall asleep. I cant shut my head off. So I lay here, awake, doing nothing, because its too late to run errands, everything is closed, everyone's asleep. At some point, I'll finally fall asleep, only to wake up later than I wanted to or needed to tomorrow, and fall behind even more.

Really? Can you blame the guy?

FORT WAYNE, Ind. (May 13) - Officials say a suspected drug dealer who led police on a 90 mph chase in Indiana was arrested after he stopped suddenly at a Taco Bell parking lot.
Fort Wayne police Sgt. Mark Walters says 36-year-old Jermaine Askia Cooper told officers he "knew he was going to jail for a while" and wanted to get one last burrito.
Cooper was held without bail on four counts of dealing cocaine, one count of resisting arrest by fleeing and other charges.
A voicemail mailbox for a listing for a Jermaine Cooper in Fort Waine was full and not accepting messages.
Police say the chase began Tuesday after officers spotted Cooper, who was wanted on other charges, and tried to pull him over.

Is it weird that I know at least a handful of people who would probably do the same thing if they were in this situation? God bless taco bell!

this made me laugh...

and then i felt a little guilty.

I Hate...

cellphones... and cellphone companies,and the fact that I feel naked if I don't have mine on me... Ugh.

Facebook... An alternative to smoking?

Anything to keep my hands occupied.

I Heart The Exterminators!

So I found this little gem at 2:30am...... The Exterminators on A&E. It's about a family who.... yep, exterminates. They're based in Louisiana, so they get some funny request, and they're pretty hillbilly, in a fun-loving/ goofy way, not the dirty white trash way... The best part is how genuinely excited the main trapper Billy gets! Gotta love a man who's excited about rodents! Check it out!

I LOVE THIS SONG

YEAH YEAH YEAHS
"ZERO"

Bustin caps with my brownies at the range