today

it's one of those moments when things come full circle. when you can look ahead and look behind and see the same path stretching both ways. something clicks, a wheel turns, a held breath is released. and there you stand, not sure if its relief, if its regret, if its deja vu.... just knowing, finally fully knowing where you were going and where you began. this. this is a moment of growth. dig your heels in a feel. feel feel feel. if you pass through to quickly you'll never fully see. stop. breathe. feel it inside out. now remember.

yes, you.

everything changes. constantly, always. a perfect yesterday does not ensure a good tomorrow, just as a painful today doesn't have to carry into the next. consistency is comforting, but intensity is in the outliers, a little extreme can go a long way. we deserve to be happy, we deserve to have a burning in the pit of our stomach, we deserve to have our heart skip a beat or race uncontrollably. it doesn't always last, but it's not always fleeting. there exists a moment when all of those tears, all of those why's whispered into silence, into pillows, screamed into emptiness, when they all amount into something more. it'll be okay. you're going to be okay. you deserve to be happy, now just allow it...

YOU'LL WANT TO BOOKMARK THIS.

pieces are just pieces

everyday. everything adds up to the same. work is work and school is school and we wake up and inhale and rub our eyes. and we run our errands and pay our bills and browse aimlessly through TV reruns. we stop for meals and stop for business and stop for signs. and then.. something stops us. stops us in our tracks. stops the words in our throats. stops us from making that next same step, that next unappreciated breath. and we stop and think, and blink. and we feel it. the pain the joy the desire the fear, whatever it is that stopped us, we feel it. reality. we feel it. present moment. feel it. and we remember. why. why we woke up, why we started.

hold on. to those moments. the ones that hurt. the ones that bleed. the ones that make you smile and laugh despite yourself. hold on tight. knuckles white, til you bleed. those are the moments when you become you. the rest is just pieces.

old haunts...

This Weekend

I will be attending the International Alchemy Conference...



What is that you ask? No clue, I'll let you know in a few days! =)

today, moreso than ever

i love this time of year, when the universe can't decide whether she's cold or hot. when the fog takes over and the dew covers everything. days, already never long enough, get shorter, and lists of things to be done get longer.

time is a funny, funny thing. sometimes an enemy, sometimes a friend... healing... hollowing... build and destroy.

and tomorrow always comes, no matter how hard you fight it, how earnestly you long for it, it always comes... eventually.
and yesterday always disappears, always becomes a memory, always falls into the past...

breathe.
in. out.
breathe.
in. out.
just breathe...

...

i remember you.

man oh man

It's going to be a long week. School, work, concerts (nine inch nails and bat for lashes) kidsitting my nephews, more work, homework, bills... Being an adult really blows sometimes. I just want to swing on the rings, play handball, and eat paste.


Here's who I'm seeing tomorrow.. good music + great company = sweet dreams.

Nothing to do? Come Play with me!

Every friday and saturday night til the end of september I'll be here at the Irvine Great Park for their Summer Flights & Sounds concert series. It's actually really fun. They've spared no expense on sound production so the shows are super high quality. Lots of interesting music from around the world. You should come out, it's free (my favorite four letter word) only 8$ for parking. Bring a picnic, smuggle in some booze, and sit back and enjoy the music under the stars... Questions? Shoot me an email, or a phone call....


Here's a list of performances.

speak freely?

dear reader, dear friend,

let's be frank with each other.. i think we've gotten close enough to do so, don't you? i'm depressing you. i know it, you know it, we know it. i'm pushing you away slowly, right? you hate to see me spiral, but you feel guilty tuning out, yes? it's okay. i'm aware. but i had to get it out. just had to.. yes, i used you a little, here and there, a little.. used you to communicate things i should've said out loud. but it didn't hurt you, i know it didn't, don't play the victim. we're being frank, remember? i wanted you to know that i'm ready, ok? ready to try, at least, i can't predict the outcome, but i'm ready to give it a shot. for your sake. for my own. i've still got secrets you might never know, and thats just fine, you can understand i'm sure. so, are you ready? good. take my hand, let's change pace, shift gears, move forward. go ahead, grab it, hold tight, and don't let go. but, do remember, we'll always appreciate each other much more in the darkest hours of the night. because thats just how its meant to be. afterall, it's not called melancholy and the infinite sadness for nothing. here's to the things we'll never do.


---jr

the breaking point.

that was it.

Perseids Song

tonight i left work, and started driving towards your house.
i was going to surprise you,
pick you up
and drive you to the middle of nowhere
so, together, we could sip hot chocolate
and watch the stars fall from the sky.
like the fire that was between us
shooting across the universe.
without thinking, i started driving,
grinning from ear to ear.
you'd be so excited;
it would be so perfect

and then it hit me,
like icey waters
against a sun-scorched desert,
reality slapped me across the face.
like a blow to the gut,
it stole away my breath,
and stole a beat from my heart.
my soul lurched beneath the weight...

and all i could do
was turn around and drive home.