truth.

i try
to fall asleep
wishing
praying
hoping that tomorrow will be different

sometimes i awake
with a smile on my lips
and a void in my mind
the blood hasn't yet began its pumping
and my heart is numb

and then i breath
deeply
gasp for air
and the feeling begins again
the numbness fades

i struggle to hold on
to it
to me
to that tranquility
constantly fleeting

reaching out
with all of me
what's left of me
looking for what used to be
finding only reality.